The Mill- Sifting Through the Stuff of Life.

What is kindness?  When scripture says be kind one to another what does it mean?  What I think is kind may not be what you think is kind.  So if you decide to be kind to me by not telling me I have a food in my teeth,  I would say that’s not kind at all.   Or maybe you give me a gift thinking you are being kind, but I don’t really like the gift and it turns out it’s a picture that I don’t want to hang on my wall and I have to figure out what I’m going to do when you visit.  That’s just not kind.   So in my own life I’ve put a definition on kindness as in one of the attributes of the Holy Spirit.  So here goes a mere mortal trying to further explain God and probably not very well.  Kindness is doing or being what is useful and profitable to someone other than yourself.  When you show Gods’ kindness and operate in Kindness it’s never with yourself in mind but always with others in mind.  Doing or Being what is useful and profitable (Kindness) is the cure to social awkardness.  Just look around in any situation and ask “How can I help?”  Sometimes that mean you just need to be available and other times it means you need to act.  I encourage everyone to look for times to do what is useful and profitable to others.  That is real kindness.

This morning I read this quote in Kem Meyers book “Less Clutter, Less Noise” from the ”New Rebellion Handbook” , “Your life bears a message, a message of hope and redemption.  But, before people in your world encounter your message, they encounter you.”  I’m not sure anything else needs to be said.  I beleive as a follower of Christ that we’ll only have an opportunity to share that message of hope and redemption if we get out of our own way and eliminate some of the petty things that we get uptight about and live a life of compassion and love.  There’s nothing more annoying than a cantankerous, ill tempered, complaining, unthankful, prejudice  Christian, if that’s possible.  So don’t be one.  Is that too abrasive?  ok then stop it.

My wife Cindy and I, find ourselves doing a lot of marriage counseling.  It’s not clinical per se, but rather very relational and most of the time in our baement.  It’s clear to me that no one is really good at marriage when left to their own abilities.  We are all pretty bad at it, outside a relationship with God.  What I find interesting is most of the time our dream of growing up meeting someone, having a unique close connection marrying and living happily ever after seems to always get put on hold by how we can make more money, accumulate stuff, get a better education, raise the children.  We spend countless hours on these things and truly believe that they will make us happy, while the relationship that will make us happy is ignored or even abused by neglect.  We spend much of our life in school to learn what we need to be successful in our careers, but we spend zero time studying how to have a great marriage. Most of the time the only thing that we have to go on is our parents marriage or some relative who were probably no good at either.  Study your spouse, learn what they like, apply scriptures that you generally apply to everyone else to the person closest to you.  It will be worth it.  There are only two true covenant relationships that remain, focus on those and the rest will follow.

Last week Cindy and I went on a Cruise and for 6 days we turned off our computers and cell phones.  I have to admit I did watch a little TV, but for the most part we were electronics free.  We talked, danced, ate, swam, relaxed.  It was an incredible week.  To be honest, I didn’t want to play the role of pastor, but the funny thing was every time you meet someone on the ship they ask what you do.  I ask Cindy a couple of times if she could help me come up with an honest response that didn’t have pastor or church in it.  Not because I’m embarrassed or ashamed, but because I just want people to be themselves around me and when they find out that you are a pastor, well they have certain preconceived ideas about how you will try to save them or something.  It’s like Danny said two Sundays ago “putting on repellant”.  Because I was taken off guard I went ahead and answered the question “I’m a pastor, please don’t run, I’m not going to try to save you, I couldn’t anyway”.  Some ran anyway, but others quite interestingly didn’t run at all.  As we shared our lives with others on the ship God opened up a number of opportunities for Cindy and I to talk about our faith.  The catalyst was the way people viewed our marriage.  We didn’t think we were doing anything special and in reality we weren’t, as a matter of fact we were pretty out of sync one day at Cozumel, but people asked, and as a result we were able to openly share our faith and make some friends.  We’ve already heard back from one couple and are hoping to hear from others that we met.  Just as a reminder stay connected with the Lord and make your marriage the most important relationship in your life.  People will notice.

Chapter three in Kem Meyer’s book “Less Clutter. Less Noise” says it’s a myth to believe that advertising creates interest.  She says it may create awareness, but awareness of what?  Awareness is not necessarily something you want or need.  “What people want is a promise they can trust, consistency, something worth telling their friends about-an experience.  Instead of investing efforts in promotions to get attention, we should be getting attention with what happens when people show up.”  I know for our team at Bay Shore Community Church much of our prayer, effort, time and attention goes to getting attention whith what happens when people show up.  We strive for being trustworthy, consistent and creating an experience that people will want to tell their friends about while never compromising the life changing message of Christ.  My hope is that advertising dollars everywhere will be spent on creating an experience bringing people into relationships with God and others and they’ll in turn tell someone, all while saving postage and paper for all those environmentalists.  If the place where your church gathers is a place of life change invite someone this week.

I am truly amazed how God orchestrates things.  So many arguments over free will and soverienty, who is responsible, us or God.  I’m not ready to lay down and do nothing because in all honesty I do beleive in a good work ethic, but more often than not I see things on the horizon that need to be done, things that need to be changed, adusted, tweeked, removed and I say a simple prayer.  “Lord, I beleive that needs to be changed, if so, give me wisdom on how to go about it or better yet let it be done.”  Almost sounds like a lazy prayer, go ahead God you do it…but I know if he orchestrates it then it’s going to be good.  If I orchestrated the margin of error is great.  Everyday, I am privileged to see the Lord orchestrate the most touchy issues of life and work them for His glory.  There is no better way to live.  I hope that you will always rely on God and be amazed at how he will work in situations that you can’t control.

This past Sunday at Bay Shore Community Church rocked.  Check it out:

#1 – You Will Never Effectively Motivate Someone With Feelings Of Guilt – I’ve made that mistake as a leader before, thinking if I could just get someone to feel bad that they would do a better job…WRONG! No one has ever brought about significant change in the world because guilt propelled them to do so. AND…if a leader finds himself always motivating by guilt…he will also soon find himself without anyone to lead. NO ONE likes going on a guilt trip.

#2 – People Don’t Respond To Need–They Respond To Vision – When a leader talks about a need SOME people will respond. BUT…when a leader can cast a compelling vision about what SHOULD BE…and with God’s grace and our participation WOULD BE…CHANGE HAPPENS! Many times a team leader will drift off course…NOT because they are lazy and/or pathetic…but because maybe they have forgotten why they do what they do…and a shot of vision will cure that every time.

#3 – A Person Cannot Be Held Accountable For Unspoken Expectations – Another mistake I’ve made in the past as a leader is assuming people could read my mind…and so when they didn’t do what I thought should have been done I would get angry with them. After some very confusing looks and some really tough conversations I began to realize that I was expecting things out of people that I hadn’t clearly explained! Our job as leaders is to give clear, realistic expectations and then resource the people to make those things happen.

#4 – Keep Short Accounts – The Bible says in Ephesians 4:26-27 that we are to not let the sun go down on us while we are angry…in other words, we should act with URGENCY when it comes to conflict among the teams we lead. Unresolved conflict is like cancer that begins to eat away at the body…it must be dealt with OR its destruction will bring about death. Many leaders RUN FROM conflict because it is uncomfortable…but I’ve learned the hard way that we must embrace a little discomfort now…or A LOT of it in the future!

I use to think funerals were the worst. Losing someone that you love or even someone that you didn’t really know and being surrounded by the family was at best awkward for me, and well, as a pastor that’s really not good. So yesterday I had the privilege of attending Wilia Jean Moore’s funeral. Sounds funny to say it was a privilege, but I completely see it as a privilege. I listened intently as the Pastor spoke of her life. I watched the family and saw at times smiles and other times tears. The memory of faith FULL, simple woman who steadily advised the family to show her love, dutifully took care of her husband of 63 years and left a wonderful legacy of service. It’s been so long since my grandparents passed, but yesterday I felt like apart of the family. It was so interesting as I let go of tears feeling only a hint of the pain of the ones that knew her best, I felt so alive. I realized that in mourning with those who mourn the law of God was being fulfilled. My heart was expanded by attending this funeral and it will not be forgotten as Jean will also live on in the lives of her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

“The acclaimed foriegn film “Three Seasons” is a series of vignettes about life in postwar Vietnam. One of the stories about Hai, a cyclist and Lan, a beautiful prostitute. Both have deep, unfulfilled desires. Hai is in love with Lan, but she is out of his price range. Lan lives in grinding poverty and longs to live in the beautiful world of the elegant hotes where she works, but never spends the night….. she is enslaved by her livestyle, but thinks it’s her means of escape. Then Hai enters a bicycle race and wins the top prize. With the money he brings Lan to the hotel. He pays for the night and pays her fee. Then, to everyone’s shock, he tells her he just wants to watch her fall asleep. Instead of using the power of his wealth to have sex with her, he spends it to purchase a place for her for one night in the normal world, to fulfill her desire to belong. Lan finds such deep grace troubling at first, thinking Hai has done this to control her. When it becomes apparent that he is using his power to serve rather than use her, it begins to transform her, making it impossible to return to a life of prostitution. Jesus who had all the power in the world, saw us enslaved by the very things we thought would free us and gave his life.” I pray that we all use what power we have to serve rather than use.